Touching Eternity (Touch Series 1.5) Read online

  The cool wood kissed his clammy brow as he leaned into it, closing his eyes and wishing he could hit something. His hands balled into fists at his sides, knuckles popped and ached. Part of him wondered why he was even there. What could he possibly say to her to make what he did forgivable? He was certain that even if she did forgive him, he could never forgive himself. It would forever be something that haunted him, ate him up from the inside out. She could never hate him half as much as he hated himself.

  “I’m so sorry!” he whispered into the smooth grain.

  Careful not to make too much noise, he slid to the floor and folded his legs up to his chest. He propped his elbows on his knees and cradled his face into his palms.

  Directly, he’d had no hand in what happened, but he’d helped and that made him as guilty as Garrison, as Tomas. He’d sworn to protect her, had looked straight into her eyes and sworn it, but at the first chance, when she needed him most, he’d turned his back on her and left her at the hands of evil. There were no other words to describe the horror she had to face alone and it was his fault. How could he ever think he could help others when he was a monster? How could he protect others when he couldn’t even keep the love of his life safe?

  The heels of his hands pressed half moons into his stinging eyes. Little sparks burst beneath the pressure. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. When he’d left it was with the impression that Amalie would benefit. It was supposed to be for her own good.

  ***

  “Isaiah!” The soft, sweet scent of her collided with him about the same time her tiny body did. Thin arms looped around his throat, choking him, but he laughed, scooping her up and doing a twirl. Her melodious laughter rang in his ear like bells.

  “You’re home!” She panted, pulling back to peer into his face. She was as beautiful as ever with her blue eyes dancing with delight and her cheeks flushed. She wore a baby pink dress that highlighted the glow in her face. “I missed you!”

  He grinned. “I missed you, too.”

  Beaming, she pushed up onto her toes and kissed him lightly on the lips. “When are you going to talk to him?”

  He threw his head back and laughed at her eagerness. “Right now. I wanted to see you first.”

  She bit her bottom lip and gave a giddy little jump on the balls of her feet. “I can’t wait! I’ve thought of nothing else.” The color in her cheeks deepened. “I found a dress.” She faltered, dropped her gaze. “I think. I’ve never seen a wedding dress and I don’t have anyone to ask, but…it’s white…” she trailed off uncertainly.

  He tucked a finger beneath her chin, tipping it up so he could kiss her lightly on the lips. “You can wear a dishtowel for all I care. I just want to marry you and be with you forever.”

  “I want it to be perfect! I want it to be…normal.”

  He sighed, caressing her cheek tenderly with his knuckles. “It’ll be amazing.”

  She started to smile, faltered. “Do you still want to do this, Isaiah? I won’t be angry if—”

  His finger pressed into her lips, silencing her. “Nothing can change my mind. I’ve waited my whole life for you.” He kissed her.

  She pulled back. Her fingers traced the curve of his face. “I don’t know much about the world outside these doors, but I do know no one has ever loved anyone as much as I love you.”

  His kiss was harder, as if he were trying to imprint her words onto his lips. He broke it a second later, breathing hard.

  “Wait for me in the garden. I’ll meet you there after I’ve talked to your father.”

  With a delighted squeal, she spun on her heels and hurried away.

  Isaiah watched her go, his stomach in knots. He closed his eyes and willed himself not to throw up. Nothing in Military school had prepared him for this. His stern, stone-faced instructors could never instill fear the way Garrison’s disapproval did. Isaiah had no idea how he was going to bring this conversation to light, but he knew it could only end in one of two ways. Garrison could deny him, deeming him unworthy of his daughter, which would hurt in more ways than one, or he accepted Isaiah into his daughter’s life the way Garrison had accepted him into his. Isaiah was hoping for the latter. Garrison had never denied him anything. He’d gone far and beyond to make sure Isaiah had everything he needed. Now, he needed Amalie. But even if Garrison had taken him in, a dirty orphan with nothing but a bad attitude and even worse manners, that didn’t mean he wanted that filth marrying his only child. Plus, there was the fact that Isaiah had no idea who his parents were. He couldn’t even remember what his mother’s name was and she’d more or less raised him for the first eight years of his life. He was a nobody. Did he even deserve someone like Amalie?

  Yes! A voice in his head hissed, warning him not to get stupid ideas, to not venture down that path. He may not deserve her, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to give her up. He’d never been a greedy man until her. But he wanted her. Needed her. He would cease to exist without her. If being with her for the rest of his life meant facing her father, facing the possibility of losing everything, he would do it so long as she became his.

  “Isaiah!” Garrison strode towards him, his long strides eating up the distance the way Isaiah’s insides seemed to want to do to his stomach.

  He straightened. “Sir!”

  Garrison beamed, slapping Isaiah affectionately on the shoulder. “My boy! You’re home.” He was yanked into a fierce embrace. His back was thumped by a fist. “Good to have you back!”

  Flustered, Isaiah drew away, offering the man a weak smile. “It’s good to be back, sir.”

  His back was smacked again with an open hand this time. “Come. I have much to tell you.”

  “That’s great, sir.” He cleared his throat. “I actually have something to tell you, too.”

  With an arm around Isaiah’s shoulder, Garrison propelled them down the corridor towards his office. “You don’t mind if I go first, do you?”

  Mind? No, he definitely did not mind. It may give him a chance to think about what he wanted to say.

  “No, sir. I don’t mind.”

  Garrison smiled toothily, nudging Isaiah into the office with a push to his back. Neither spoke until they were seated on opposite sides of the desk.

  “Summer vacation already.” Garrison folded his fingers on the desk. “Almost another year, your last year.”

  Already in knots, Isaiah could only smile in response.

  Garrison continued. “I feel like it was only yesterday I brought you home.” He laughed a little, the sound forced. “Best decision I ever made if you ask me. Ruth would disagree with me, of course, but you were such a hellion, always sneaking into the kitchen and stealing the sweets.”

  Despite his nerves, Isaiah laughed at the memory. “She would just leave them out in the open! What did she expect?”

  Garrison chuckled. “I lost count of all the times she’d come to me, swearing up and down she’d strangle you.”

  “I like to think I charmed her in the end.”

  Garrison’s eyes narrowed. “How did you charm her? You never did tell me.”

  Isaiah grinned. “A man has to have his secrets sometimes.” And a giant box of Swedish chocolates.

  Garrison laughed, putting his hands up. “Fair enough.” He sighed, sitting back. “It’s so good to relax like this after the few months I’ve been having.”

  All humor vanished. Isaiah straightened. “Is everything all right?”

  Garrison nodded, waving a hand dismissively. “Oh nothing that I can’t handle. It’s just been very stressful between keeping things running at the lab and things here at home. I honestly don’t know which of those things have been giving me the most grief.”

  “What’s happening at work?” he asked.

  Garrison flicked his wrist. “Oh the same old things. Small, petty people trying to interfere in things they don’t understand. My research will change history. I just need time to perfect it. How can I do that when people keep bombarding me with moronic q
uestions? Granted, they are my backers and I suppose it’s necessary, but it’s tiresome all the same.”

  Isaiah nodded slowly. “And at home?”

  Garrison groaned, closing his eyes. “Amalie’s treatment doesn’t seem to be doing its job.”

  It was a struggle not to let himself stiffen. “What do you mean?”

  With a sigh, Garrison rubbed a hand over his face. “I’ve been trying for several months to find the proper dosage of medication, but it seems not to be working. Either it’s too high or it’s too low. The fluctuation is putting pressure on her emotions. There are days she’s at an ultimate high, happy, talkative and completely in the present. Then there are days when she’s sour and violent and depressed. But there’s no middle ground. We’re either at an ultimate high or an all-time low.”

  “Well, she seems to be fine now,” Isaiah said, recalling Amalie’s smiling face in the corridor.

  “Today is a good day.” Garrison swept a hand down the front of his blazer. “But I can’t promise it’ll remain that way tomorrow. What is worse are her violent tendencies. I’ve had to put a lock on her door to keep her secure at nights, remove all dangerous items from her room. I even had to replace the windows and mirrors to shatter proof glass so she can’t hurt herself or anyone else. It’s just gotten so bad! I’m constantly worried about her. I’m afraid that if I let her out of my sight, she’ll wind up like…”

  Abigail. Neither of them said the name, but the room seemed to ring with it.

  Isaiah swallowed the bitter tang in his throat. His gut wrenched. He tried to focus on how important it was that he talk to the man and not how desperate he was to do the right thing.

  “So what are you going to do?” he asked.

  Garrison shrugged. “Keep trying, I suppose. I’m not ready to give up. I know with more treatments, more patience, I can break her of these delusions.”

  “The voices?” Isaiah whispered, feeling his throat constrict.

  Garrison shifted in his seat. “Those, yes, but other things.”

  “Like what?”

  The other man seemed to hesitate. He stalled, rubbing a hand over his mouth. When he spoke, his voice was low, as if afraid they may be overheard. “I had to find her a new tutor.”

  Isaiah frowned. “What happened to Ms. Haddy?”

  Garrison shook his head slowly. “I think they’d been together too long. Julia was becoming curious, asking too many questions. She was beginning to doubt my abilities to care for Amalie. She said I was making things worse. I also believe she’d been pouring this nonsense into Amalie’s head because since your departure…” he broke off, exhaling. “Amalie has become defiant, resisting everything I tell her, talking back. I’m almost certain Julia had ceased giving her the medication, which would account for the behavioral issues, but there’s something else.”

  Isaiah waited.

  Garrison continued. “There was an incident with a backer of mine, Julius Barnabas. As you know I don’t normally bring work home, but this backer was very important to my cause so I invited him and his new bride to dinner. Amalie joined us, which I suppose is my fault. I hadn’t been aware of Julia’s tampering then. In the middle of dinner, the conversation turned to the wedding. I was apologetic that I was unable to attend, but I’d been swamped with work. Julius’ wife was recently widowed. Her husband tragically took his own life by leaping out of his office window. Julius was his partner and that’s how he met his new wife. So during this discussion, Amalie blurts out quite unexpectedly that my backer was the one who pushed his partner out of the window so he could marry the wife. Julius was appalled. His wife was horrified and I didn’t know what to say.”

  “How did Amalie know?”

  Garrison barked a laugh. “She claimed the husband told her. That he was there in the room with us and he was furious. Julius of course left. The next day, he pulled his investment. It was at this time I realized Amalie cannot be trusted around people if she’s going to make up these horrible lies. So in light of this, I think it would be best if Amalie was isolated for a little while, just until I’m satisfied with her progress.”

  “But I—”

  Garrison cut him off with the lift of his palm. “I understand this is something that may cause some problems, but I think it’s also best for you if you took some time away from her.”

  He could have asked for Isaiah’s right hand and it would have been less painful. “But, sir…”

  “I know you and Amalie are friends,” Garrison began slowly. “And, in the past, I never discouraged this because I believed it was vital in your growth that you learn to associate with children your own age. In my professional opinion, you did very well considering your background and your isolation. I chose Amalie for you because, for one, she was available, but also because of her condition, it was not in you to hurt someone weak or sick. At the same time, I’d hoped Amalie would pick up on some of your more assertive behavior and perhaps improve. I’m happy to say some of my experiment was successful. Amalie has been much more…” He made a circular motion with his hand. “Relaxed and sociable since your arrival. I want to explore that a little more, help her improve, but I have to think of you as well. Amalie isn’t good for you long term.”

  “Amalie and I have never had any problems,” Isaiah said, nearly half out of his seat.

  Garrison chuckled. “I’m glad you think so, but too much exposure could backfire and hurt you.”

  A tight fist closed around his lungs, cutting off his oxygen. “You’re going to send me away?”

  “No!” Garrison waved a hand. “Not at all. This is your home. It always will be. I want to start separating you and Amalie. Realistically, Isaiah, you need to make friends on the same mental wave length as yourself. Friends you can communicate with, have things in common with. Friends who can, in the future, become an asset to you. Amalie is my daughter, but I know she will pull you under if you hang on. It’s not good for her either. She’s not mentally ready for any sort of relationship which she proved. I don’t think she ever will be. This obsession she has with you needs to be channeled into a more structured environment.” He sighed. “I’m not making any sense.”

  Isaiah was on his feet before he could stop himself. “No, you make perfect sense. You don’t want me around Amalie.”

  Garrison shoved out of his seat as well, both hands out, palms up. “That isn’t what I’m saying at all, Isaiah. But this bond you two have, it’s unhealthy. It’s hurting her. She’s so wound up around you and seeing you and being with you that she can’t focus on anything else. I can’t help her if she doesn’t concentrate.” He paused, his face set. “You do want me to help her, don’t you?”

  “Of course!” Isaiah muttered tightly. “But I—”

  “Then you need to sever ties.”

  Isaiah staggered back. His knees caught his chair and he tumbled into it. “What?”

  Garrison took his own seat casually. “Not forever, just until I can undo what Julia did. Amalie needs to know that I’m not her enemy and I can’t do that if I have to compete for her attention. You said you wanted her to get better.”

  “I do!” Isaiah protested.

  “Then let her go. Let me take care of her!” He planted his palms down on the table and leaned in. His voice dropped. “I know you want to protect her, but right now, you’re the one hurting her. You have to trust me when I say I know what’s best for her and I would never do anything I didn’t think was absolutely necessary.”

  Let Amalie go? He couldn’t let her go. He couldn’t even think of the possibility without feeling as though he was being suffocated. But if it was for her own good? If it would make her better? If it would help her? Could he let her go if it was for her?

  “Do you trust me, Isaiah?”

  “Yes.” The single word was a mere movement of lips incapable of speech.

  Garrison beamed, leaning back. “I knew I could count on you.”

  Numb. Broken. Cold…so freaking cold, Isaiah could
only sit mute as his world shattered around him.

  Garrison rose out of his chair and stalked around to stand behind him. He placed gentle hands on Isaiah’s shoulders. “You’re doing the right thing, Isaiah. You’ll see. This is exactly what Amalie needs. This will help her.” He gave a light squeeze and stepped back. “Now, what did you want to talk about?”

  “Nothing.”

  Chapter 20

  Amalie

  “Amalie.”